Doomed!!!1 It’s the Andy-San with ya on a lovely Friday morn’.
I watched the new Harry Potter movie yesterday with my folks and it was real good of course, but there were some analities (hey look kids, a new word. It means small but significant details) that weren’t discussed in the movie that I won’t go over so to prevent spoiling the movie. Despite that, I still advise that you watch it ‘cuz it’s Harry Potter dammit!!1
My mom told me that she talked to some of the financial people at UU and told me that there was a possibility of me continuing college had I gotten good grades via my grants and st00f. There’s not much I can do about it now but I’m quite pissed at that. If someone would have told me that I could still have a shot at continuing my education regardless of how much I owed if I got good grades, I would be looking at still going to UU or going to OSU or BGSU or something like that. That was one of the main reasons that I basically gave up on my grades; because I felt that I wouldn’t be able to continue my education because of my debts no matter how well I did in class. I felt trapped. I couldn’t transfer until my entire balance was paid off and I couldn’t continue until my balance was reduced to at least $1,000. Like I said before though, there’s little that I can do to fix that problem now.
I’m beginning to reconsider going back to school when I turn 24. I know it sounds super-hypocritical for me to say it because of my strong advocation and self-determination to go to college and graduate. Although I’ve gotten out of some pretty sticky situations before, I feel that I can’t make this work to my advantage. I feel like such a loser for getting kicked out of college. I feel like my folks (mostly my brothers) look down upon me because of it. I’ve been seriously considering pursuing my dream of being an active musician in a band touring all over the place and when I have enough money, I’ll take a hiatus and go back to college. I’m really confused about what direction I want to take my life to. I feel insecure without a plan to work around. Eric’s plans for the next 6-8 years are set and his future career looks very bright. Dan’s future is planned out with a boatload of backup plans for virtually every bad scenario you’ve ever thought up and more that you haven’t. I’m asking myself, “Where am I going? What am I doing? Where will I be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years down the line?” I feel that pursuing a career as a musician is the most rewarding for me maybe not financially, but spiritually. At the same time, I’m scared that I’m not skilled enough or that I won’t make it and end up like my dad and not break out into the music scene. Back to the other hand, I feel that I won’t be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually complete unless I go through with it. It’s tearing my brain into pieces thinking about it, but one thing’s for sure; I must do something about it.
In other news, despite the confusion, I’ve been working on some scales and I’m not very smooth with them yet, but I’m getting there. I’ve decided that I need an instructor or another musician that can help me improve my technique. Ben’s been (holy puns Batman!) taking lessons and his playing’s showing definite improvement. I’m thinking about asking some of my friends to teach me instead of going to the music store for lessons. I’m also looking into buying a new amp against my better financial instincts. I need something loud, preferably a tube amp, with a nice distortion and a sweet clean, and at least a 2×12 speaker setup but I’m looking more for a half-stack 4×12 speaker setup. Yeah, it seems impossible unless I spend a veritable shit-ton of money, but who know what I could find.
Well, I’d better get going. Good-night!