Hey guys, it’s TheAndySan hurr with another quickie post.
If you couldn’t tell by the redunk-yo-mamma-liss title, this post is about the Top Ten Things You Can’t Do With Your Dead Dad On Father’s Day (copy-pasted for teh win). Before we begin, for some of my new viewers, this is obviously not meant to be taken seriously. Coming from someone who lost their father, I know it can be a rough experience. That aside, here we go:
10 – Walks on the beach.
Sun + salt water + seagulls = x eternally haunted children, where x = the number of children your dad had. Gotta love math humor!
9 – Picnics on a grassy knoll.
Okay, so maybe you can pull this one off if Pops was buried in a hill. Just don’t pass him the Worcestershire sauce!
8 – Shopping.
Whether it’s trying on a fancy new set of threads or picking out the right steak to throw on the grill, your Dearly Departed Daddy’s gonna attract a lot of unwanted attention. Best to do the shopping beforehand.
7 – Backyard BBQs.
Speaking of throwing meat on the grill, Perished Papa’s not gonna have much of an appetite this Father’s Day. Unless you’re grilling brains.
6 – Car rides around scenic places.
With gas prices rising stupidly high, it’s best to keep your deceased dad local. Even though he could use some fresh air.
5 – Camping.
Bears. ‘Nuff said.
4 – Go to the local bar.
Getting your dead dad a nice, cold brewski after he’s bitten the big one sounds like a good idea, right? Well, his rotten liver disagrees.
3 – Watch a movie at the theater.
Watching Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull seems like quality father-child bonding time. However, your festering father is more worried about his sinking-in skull.
2 – Surprise Mom with a present.
It’s a twist that’ll make even M. Night Shyamalan proud. It’s Father’s Day and Mom’s getting something?! Wow-wii!!!1 Honestly, I think she’ll be more surprised that your Decaying Dad’s around than any set of diamond earrings you’ll ever get her.
And the Number-One Thing You Can’t Do With Your Dead Dad On Father’s Day is…
1 – Say you’re sorry for all the crap you’ve given to him during his lifetime. What a twist!! Yeah, Putrid Pops won’t have much of an ear for those kinds of things so don’t even bother. As a matter of fact, he won’t have much of an ear at all.
Well, there you have it. The Top Ten Things You Can’t Do With Your Dead Dad On Father’s Day. This is TheAndySan signing off. Stay classy, always
P.S: It’s been 22 days since www.theandysan.com has been up. I’ve also added some social bookmarking site buttons so if any of you guys use Digg, Reddit, etc., you can submit my stuff to them.