Power Boob


Do you wannabe

So stacked?

Try Power Boob.

Energy drinks for people who need

Gratuitous amounts of cleavage.

With all new flavors like


Jiggolate energy, it’s like adding jiggling

To an electrical storm.

Sound the alarm, you’re gonna be

Uncomfortably well-endowed.

What’s that?

You want strawberry?

Well how about


Made with lightning,

real lightning.

Sports (aaahhhhhh!) You’ll be good at them.

It’s an energy drink for women.


These aren’t your momma’s fun bags,

these are energy bags.


Science, boobage, science, boobage, electrolyes, turbolytes, powerlytes,

More lights than your body has room for.

You’ll be jiggling so fast, mother nature will be like, “Sloooooowwww dooowwwwnn.”

And you’ll be like, “Fuck you!” and slap her in the face with your

Energy cans.

You’ll have so much boobage,

boobage (aaaahhhhh!) just running all the time.

Boobie running, boobie lifting, boobie sweeping, boobie dating, boobie eating, boobie laughing, boobie spawning babies. You’ll have so many babies.

400 babies.

Give Jiggolate to your babies and they’ll be good at sports.

Make your babies jiggle

Abnormally fast.

They’ll jiggle as fast as Swedes. People will watch them running and think they’re Swedes. They’ll jiggle as fast as Swedes, against actual Swedes, and it’ll be a tie, and they’ll get deported back to Sweden.

Hey, go with the sure thing.

Don’t gamble on your boobs.

Snake eyes!

Try Power Boob, the drink that will make you (aaahhh!) sports (aaahhh!).

There it is, your moment of Zen. Good-night!


Hmm, I don’t like that hyphen. Let’s try this again:

There it is, your moment of Zen. Good-night!


There we go. Much better.

P.S: It’s been 1,511 days since I had a website.