I recorded this vlog yesterday, but due to some tentacle difficulties (my internet tubes were clogged), I couldn’t post it.
I sit down in my basement and talk about what happened to Jon the other day. I also briefly say that I’m trying to move away from a life of indentured financial servitude.
My big plan, financially speaking, is to become a writer of young adult fiction. I’ve always loved reading ever since I was very young. I began scribbling down ideas when I was in 8th grade, I believe.
My creative peak was when I was in high school. I wrote down a ton of ideas, not just for stories, but designs for various gadgets as well. I saved all of them, and in order to begin my career as a writer, I feel it necessary to go back and look at what I was writing about and try to get into that creative frame of mind again.
I feel that, despite my gaining a larger online following, my writing is becoming stagnant. I am beginning to branch out into other means of communication, like vlogging, but I feel that the content level isn’t what it used to be. I attribute that to a lack of exposure to new and exciting things.
I could also be in the anxious transitionary state right before a big change happens. I’ve experienced those before. I felt them when I graduated high school, went to ITT Tech, got kicked out of ITT Tech, went to UU, almost got kicked out of UU, actually got kicked out of UU, moving in with my aunt and cousins, and moving back in with my parents. Maybe it’s my ego telling me not to risk myself anymore and just stick with what I have. I dunno.
What I do know is that I need to change. Maybe not a dramatic one, but I need to change. I need to look deep within myself and figure out what I wanna do with my life.
Back in 2004, I wanted to be a webmaster working for some company or do freelancing work for various companies and people. I don’t want to do that anymore.
Back in 2006, I wanted to broaden my technical knowledge so that I may have a better chance of finding a job as well as get paid more doing it. I’m not interested in that anymore.
Now, all I want to do is what I really wanted to do in the first place: read and write stories. Stories that inspire, engage, and are remembered and revered. Whether that are in a book, on TV, on the internet, on the movie theater, on Broadway, or on some other medium that I am unaware of, I want my stories to be read, heard, and experienced. I think that one of the reasons that I was always drawn to music is because it tells stories and expresses ideas, just like books do. Sure, my dad got me into playing guitar, but it was my passion for learning the stories of music that kept me going.
I believe that’s what I need to look for; my passion. All along, I was looking for the security to follow my passions, scrambling for the flashlights in the darkness of the unknown.
I now know that if you follow your passions without doubts, then you don’t need a flashlight to guide you. You won’t fall off the ledge. You’ll walk straight to the goal every time. Of course, there’ll be rocks and other obstacles along the way, but as long as you know what you’re passionate about, then you’ll have no problems.