When I was working today, I went into what I like to call Robot-Mode. I say the same loop of phrases over and over again. Phrases like, “How are you?”, “I’m good”, “Good”, etc. I know that working at Wal-Mart is not my passion and although I could make a career out of it, I choose not to because I don’t find it that appealing. Sure, it’s a great place to work if you want something to do or are a super people person. I’m not much of a people person, but I’m not antisocial like when I was in high school. By the end of the day, I don’t wanna see or talk to anyone.
I feel like I’ve gotten myself into a rut and I don’t realistically see myself progressing past Wal-Mart or even living on my own.
That’s where BGSU might come in. You see, I submitted my Spring 2009 application to them and it’s taking time for my transcripts to be sent to them. I’m really hoping that I can get back into college because I feel that my brain needs intellectual healing. I applied for Asain Studies, but I’m gonna make it with an emphasis on Japanese and I’m gonna try to minor in Management Information Systems (what I was majoring in before).
The reason for the change in my major is because I don’t feel as passionate about working on computers as I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love computers. It’s just that they’re not my main focus in my life like they used to be.
As I have said in many of my posts, I want to live in Japan for at least a couple of years. In order to better my living experience there, I would like a solid knowledge in speaking Japanese as well as being able to read and write Kanji, Hiragana, and Katakana. I don’t plan on living in Japan for a very long time, but I’m not against the idea either. I wanna live there for a year or two or even three to experience living out of my element.
I feel that I’m trapped in the area I live in. This house, this city, this county, this state, this country. I feel caged in. When I was going to college, I felt like I got a glimpse of what true freedom is. Freedom is about doing what you wanna do, on your terms. No one else’s. I hate it when my parents try to make me a complient little worker, a good toy soldier. Sure, I do a good job, but there’s something inside of me that screams, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! WHY AREN’T YOU DOING WHAT YOU WANNA DO?!! THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, I KNOW IT!!” It’s true. I don’t wanna do repetative manual labor. I don’t wanna become just another easily replacable cog in someone else’s money machine. I WANT TO BE FREE, DAMMIT!!!
That is my ultimate goal in life; to simply be free. Do whatever I feel like doing. If I wanna go to the movies, I just get up and go. If I wanna go on a bike ride, I pull my bike out and ride. I don’t wanna trade my time for money. Whenever I try to tell people that I don’t want to work, they get confused and think that I want to be a lazy bum. This is not true. I wanna work on something that I’m passionate about. I don’t want to perform tedious repetative tasks that greatly benefit someone else while they only give me a small microscopic crumb of the pie. Is it selfish of me to say this? Yes it is. However, I know that I can’t help anyone unless I first help myself. It’s like a drowning man trying to save another drowning man.
Well, I’d better head for bed since I’m gonna be going over to Ben’s for practice later on. Good-night!