Why Do I Fear My Passion?

Hello everyone. My name is Andy and I love modern Japanese culture. I love anime and manga. I love the Japanese language. I want to learn Japanese at BGSU so that I can work in Japan utilizing my skills in English and in Japanese to at least make a decent enough income to pay my regular expenses with enough wiggle room to cover any unforeseen expenses.

This is my passion. This is what I want to do. I don’t want to only do this for the rest of my life, but I still want to do it.

My passions change as I learn and experience new things. Years back, when I graduated high school, I was interested in computers. I wanted to present my content to the world and help others bring their own content before the world. This was my passion. As I was learning more about computers, I began to lose interest in it because I thought the material was too difficult. It also didn’t help that I was juggling a full-time job at McDonald’s to cover my expenses as well. Before, I was always paying attention to whatever the teachers were discussing and asking my classmates questions about material I didn’t understand. Afterwards, I just browsed killsometime.com, fugly.com, etc. Keep in mind that this was before YouTube was even heard of.

I learned that although I like computers, they are not my passion. I do like what they are capable of. They give me the power to make my opinions known to the entire world. Without them, it would be pretty hard for me to do that.

I have enjoyed television, specifically animation, for as long as I can remember. I went from cartoons to anime around the late 90s when Toonami was in its stride. Oh yes! DBZ and Pokemon were some of the big ones wayyy back when. I didn’t start to become hooked on anime until Eriopolis and I watched Excel Saga.

Before that, I just liked DragonBall-Z; I didn’t think of myself as watching anime. Excel Saga changed all that. It opened my eyes to the wide world of anime. I didn’t get a lot of the jokes until after I watched several series and brushed up on my anime knowledge, but I could tell that it had a certain aura about it. As I watched other series, I began to put the pieces together and realized that I was really interested in the Japanese culture.

My cousins lived in Japan for several years back in the early 90s. I remember my cousins sending me chopsticks from Japan, and I’m not talking about the cheap-o bamboo ones that you get at a Chinese restaurant. The big thing about Japan that excited me as a wee lad was a small Lego boat that my cousin sent me. The instructions and little booklet of the different sets was in Japanese. Although I couldn’t read a thing, it seemed to both satisfy and starve my inner seeker of knowledge.

At my very core, I am a seeker of knowledge. Nothing gives me more of a high than learning something new every day. However, I have a unique taste in knowledge. I’m not interested in common, pedestrian knowledge unless it will benefit me. This was a big reason that I didn’t pay attention much in class. I thought, “Everyone else is learning the same thing. That’s boring! I wanna learn something different.” I often read different chapters of the textbooks, not to get ahead in class, but to do something that no one else in class was doing.

Today, I talked with a mother and her daughter about BGSU at work. I told them that I was planning on majoring in Creative Writing and minoring in Management Information Systems. I said that I heard about an Asian Studies program there without making it seem like I was interested in it. The daughter replied that her roommate was in it and planning on being a written documents translator of Japanese. I felt more relaxed about the situation and said that I might check that out.

What do I do wrong in the above paragraph? I denied my passion. I was too embarrassed to say that I’m majoring in Asian Studies instead of Creative Writing. Why? Because I fear ridicule. I don’t want to draw any negative attention to myself. I don’t want the people around me to know that I love anime and manga, I don’t have a religion (I Believe In A Thing Called Love), and I think Barack Obama is a better candidate than John McCain and NOT related to Osama Bin Laden. Obama, Osama; it’s an easy slip of the tongue, amirite?

I would like to improve my confidence and live on purpose. I would like to tell someone without a shred of fear in my voice, “My name is Andy and I love modern Japanese culture. I love anime and manga. I love the Japanese language. I want to learn Japanese at BGSU so that I can work in Japan utilizing my skills in English and in Japanese to at least make a decent enough income to pay my regular expenses with enough wiggle room to cover any unforeseen expenses.”

My name is Andy, and I love to learn.

TheAndySan

2 thoughts on “Why Do I Fear My Passion?

  1. You should never be ashamed of who you are, or what you do. Who cares if you play Magic cards, majoring in Asian Studies, or whatever. What you love to do, drives you to become the individual you visualize yourself becoming. If you deny in public who you are, you WILL eventually deny who you are inside and outside. You can be your greatest motivator. You can also be your greatest fall. Only you in the end can decide how great oneself can be. If you want to do something, and really have the passion to carry on and go through with it, you can do anything. If you even believe in yourself then what’s worth even living?! Goddammit Andy just believe in yourself!

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